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I write novels, eat dark chocolate, raise three children, love my husband, scrub toilets, ignore the laundry, and love a good story, but hardly ever in that order.

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Friday, March 1, 2013

Animal Planet


Whither we go, we are followed by wildlife. Don't swoon, you animal lovers. Don't get happy, you people who like to spend free time at Pet Mart, the zoo, or walking the fields and finding wildlife living their wild lives.

We have these.
 And these.
And most recently, these.
(I did not take this photo, but there were two of these critters staring at me from my basement window the other night. I screamed like a ninny and did not go get my camera. I got Marc, who seemed much less concerned than I. Men are odd.)

The hunchback kills me. I cannot love them. I know God made them and my Sunday school teacher always said God doesn't make junk, but I'm just not entirely sure he doesn't make exceptions sometimes.

Raccoons are icky and scary and nocturnal and they like to eat little human babies. OK, I haven't confirmed the last bit but I'll bet they do. How would we know? They're awake at crazy hours and they're stealthy!

I know I'm infecting my children with my aversion toward animals that poop in my yard. Thea saw a photo of baby raccoons the other day and she cooed, "Ooooh, they're so cuuuute!" I gave her a time-out and made her write an essay on why raccoons are vile. Sure, she cried for awhile, but I can be nothing if not truthful to my children, right?

Anyone else out there nervous about creatures of the night? Am I the only one who sings loudly, flicks the lights on and off, and bangs on the side of the house with a metal object when she takes the trash out at night? Come on...'Fess up, fellow animal lovers. 

4 comments:

  1. Gross. All of them are gross.

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  2. 2 things about racoons: First being the fact they wash their food before eating (supposedly) means they are deceitful because they are not clean creatures. And when they use their little hands like humans, it really FREAKS me out!!!

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  3. I don't have much experience with the first - your picture actually makes him seem sort of cute. On the other hand, oppossums give me the heebies. They are disgustingly ugly with their hairless tails and wee, beady eyes. Racoons - not so ugly, but seemingly evil. They are sneaky, crafty buggers. All that being said, if any of these creatures were to brush by me in the dark, I would probably have a massive coronary because I'd be positive it was there to kill me.

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  4. Dis.gus.ting.

    On occasion we have had a raccoon on our garage roof. Right on the other side of our bedroom wall. Freaks me out to be suddenly awakened by the sounds of a raccoon. While I know the creature won't come through my wall, it still freaks me out. And don't even get me started on how I had to google, "what does raccoon poop look like?" last year when one of our window wells became a raccoon's latrine. Seriously gross.

    Not an animal lover. At all. Especially the nocturnal, rodent-ish kind. Ew, ew, ew.

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