Shawn Johnson and DWTS: A Lament

I can't even pretend to be unbiased.

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Shawn John should have won.

What? Am I the only one still watching DWTS, other than Tom Bergeron's wife? Listen, I swore it off years ago when my five-year-old started asking me about procreation during Rumba week. But then Shawn Johnson was on the All-Star season and watching became a civic duty. She is, as you should know, from my very own home town of West Des Moines, Iowa.

I have mentioned before how I love the Olympics, but really I just love these two.

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Gabi went to our church when she lived here for the years leading up to her TRIUMPHANT SWEEP of the Olympics. And Shawn and I are pretty much great friends. She may not see it like that, and sure, I can be a little overwhelming when I accost her froth about her talent in the produce section of our local grocery store. Or in the TJMaxx parking lot. Or when she goes for a jog in my neighborhood. But I CANNOT HELP IT. She's an Iowan, she's spunky, she keeps her nose clean AND she can do this:

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So my apologies to Melissa Rycroft, who is probably a very nice girl underneath all my jealousy for her abs. (Note: No woman who has birthed a child should show these in public. How am I supposed to explain myself to my husband then next time I accidentally bare my midriff?)

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I'm sure Melissa is a ripped sweetie, but Shawn John should have won first place. You're the champ in my heart, SJ. You have done us Iowans proud. I'll try not to cry the next time we run into each other. and don't get scared if I have to perform your awesome Quickstep from Week 3 for you in aisles of TJ Maxx. It's all out of love.

5! 6! 7! 8! B.F.F.s 4-ever! Call me later!