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I write novels, eat dark chocolate, raise three children, love my husband, scrub toilets, ignore the laundry, and love a good story, but hardly ever in that order.



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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Pool Time and Other Dangers

I really do love me some pool time. Am I wrong to say such a thing, in this day of skin cancer awareness and limited sun hours? Well, I do. I'm not saying I bake out there until my epidermis flakes off and  my hair catches on fire, but I do love to feel the sun on my pale Midwestern bod and to remember again that God loves me. 

This is in sharp contrast to a certain Norwegian who lives among us and who has been known to marvel at his BLUE skin. Skin so white, it's BLUE. Marc runs to the shade (sprints) after fifteen minutes, but I just slather on some more 50 SPF and count it good. In a not-so-distant future, people might start asking me if I'm Marc's mother, but at least I will be fully fortified with Vitamin D and happy summertime memories. That must count for something.
Which is good, because my recent pool visits have me counting lots of other ways I'm losing. First, I'm not sixteen. That, my friend, is very, very noticeable at the pool. Lots of people at the pool ARE sixteen, and they have the abs to prove it. And long, luscious hair which requires more than a quick shampoo every three days. Ahem. And they paint all their toenails in one sitting, which has a startlingly beautiful effect on one's feet. And they have perk in perky places and lift in lifty places. 

They are something to behold. 

I feel shocked, really, when I remember I passed that mile marker over two decades ago. The perk has parked, the lift has lowered. And now I wear a skirt when I'm swimming. 

Seriously. This is a blow to any woman's ego, is it not? I wear a skirt. Sure, it's short and cute and in a cute paisley print, but it is absolutely, undeniably a skirt. One short stop up from this.
Skirts are awesome for dipping, throwing, and rescuing young children in the water. They prevent innocent sun bathers from seeing middle-aged groceries and other dangerous possibilities. And they are very practical for women who spend an inordinate amount of time failing to understand how to tighten and loosen goggles. (Am I alone in this? Do your children's goggles make you feel stupid? Are they secretly some Mensa test that I continue to fail?) 

So swim skirts have their merits. But they sag when wet. And cling in odd ways. And they are SKIRTS.

But here's the deal: When I was sixteen and didn't know perk and lift were temporary situations, I thought my thighs were too muscular. (HA!) And that my calves were too manly. (HEE!) And that my feet were fat. (WHO IN GOD'S GREEN EARTH CARES?!) So today may I be fully grateful for the healthy body I've been given, may I make peace with the skirt, and may I embrace my voluptuous feet. Heck, with this sunny perspective, I just might paint all those toes the same day AND take a webinar on goggle adjustments. Watch out, world!


  1. I tried on a swim skirt last night!!! Sadly, even that didn't help my situation.

  2. Totally with you on the goggles!! My kids are now used to wearing them upside down and way too loose. And this year was my debut in a tankini for the same reason you have a skirt. That ship has sailed, but I like to think of it as a small sailboat and I will be expecting my yacht any day now :) fun fact: the bikini was named after Bikini Atoll where they tested bombs. The inventor wanted to 'bomb' the fashion world with his scandalous swim wear.

  3. "And they have perk in perky places and lift in lifty places." If I had been drinking milk when reading this, it probably would have shot out my nose. Just sayin' :)

  4. Purchased my first swim skirt this season. And your oh-so-sweet daughter complimented me on it. Love her.

  5. The swim dress scares me. I tried on a one piece that had some sort of skirt type option attached and the look in the mirror scarred me for life.

  6. Thank you Kim, we are kindred spirits!

  7. Swim on, dear sisters! And just for emphasis, twirl in those skirts.

    Or not. ;)


  8. Proud swim skirt wearer--if I dare put on a swimsuit. Usually I just wear jeans and sun glasses and say I'm in Witness Protection.