About Me

My photo
I write novels, eat dark chocolate, raise three children, love my husband, scrub toilets, ignore the laundry, and love a good story, but hardly ever in that order.

OPERATION BONNET

STRETCH MARKS

Powered by Blogger.

ACT TWO

BOTTOM LINE

BALANCING ACT

Friday, April 15, 2016

Spring Fashion Report 2016


Spring has sprung! The buds on my viburnum smell delicious, my daffodils are in full bloom, and this sentence sounds like I know what to do in a yard. That's the prerogative of a blog writer. You get to lie at will.

To help you get the most out of your life, I here offer you a guide to this year's spring fashion. You're probably going to want to take notes.

**NOTE: I want you to know that I found these items when I searched "wearable spring fashion." 

Let's let that sink in a little bit. 

OK. Here we go:

1. The practical neckline. 
Listen, I love me some checked and I love me some plaid. But in my life, I do need to tie my shoes, pick up toys, and walk. I can't see the groceries staying put with any of those activities if I'm wearing this particular V-to-navel cut.


2. Face masks. They're not just for Spidey anymore! Think of the approving looks you'll get in the carpool lane. Nothing says "school safety" like the minivan mom rocking this look!

3. Florals and sadness. I just want to include this person, not only because of her winsome pairing of florals, but also because her tired and naked face was the one image with which I totally identified. This is the exact look I typically sport when hauling my daughter to 6:30 am choir practice. I also grab my beaded face mask because I don't want to be recognized. It never works.

4. Breast mesh. Again with the practical! I love this look! Perfect for book club!

4. Bows. I really do love these shoes. But I chose this photo for the pink bows. Pink bows of any size are VERY FLATTERING, but when they span the width of a woman's torso, you know you're on to something.

5. No comment.

6. Sometimes I worry about whether I should wear boots with a particular outfit. I can see I have been over-thinking. Also, let's be humanitarians and get this woman some lip gloss.

7. Everyone needs highlights in the spring. Please remember this. Also, everyone needs to trust bang cutting with the professionals. Also, Thea wants you to know she's worried about the eye make-up.

8. And finally, boob cut-outs. Just to remind the boobs where they need to land. Middle age is tough, friends, and sometimes we need direction.

Happy spring! Now go shop!

14 comments:

  1. Do people really and truly wear this crap? Yes I said crap. Seriously. It's all hideous. Even if you are a runway model, it's hideous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Makila said "crap," people! This is getting serious! :) I love you and your pretend expletives. xo

      Delete
  2. Makila said crap!! That made my day hehhehe. I'll need to get a new wardrobe before I come back to Iowa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAHA! I just said the same thing! And yes, please make sure you are appropriately attired when you return. We have our standards.

      Delete
  3. OMG, too funny! I think the denim outfit on the zombie girl looks like a Pinterest fail!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally. Misfortunate events with the scissors.

      Delete
  4. Oh my goodness!! The boob cut-outs! And the boob mesh! And all the rest of it!! Oh my dear Kim, I do love your humor. It brightens my day. Hmmm if you see any of this in MATERNITY size, let me know. Yep, #4 is on his/her way!! The Lord is full of good surprises!! :) (Rachel Crumbly)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I cannot scream through typing!! But I am screaming AS I type!!! I'm so excited, I cannot stand it!!!!! YIPPPEEEEEE! Congratulations, dear Rachel!!! You have made my MONTH! xoxoxo

      Delete
  5. I can't wait to see you wearing these the next time you sing at church! It will make such a statement! :-) besides all of these outfits being extremely hideous, the pants in the last one actually scare me. I am pretty certain that Scott's grandma had a pair of these in her closet before she died a few weeks ago.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, my gosh. I cannot. Even. I won't bring that up to Scott, but know that I will want to. Can't. Stop. Giggling. I think the term would have been "culottes." Been there. 1982.

      Delete
  6. I can't wait to see you wearing these the next time you sing at church! It will make such a statement! :-) besides all of these outfits being extremely hideous, the pants in the last one actually scare me. I am pretty certain that Scott's grandma had a pair of these in her closet before she died a few weeks ago.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Fashion needs your reality check. I've been too busy to follow (the perks of a senior citizen include being too busy with grandkids) fashion shows, but your blog tells me I haven't missed a thing. Happy spring from Wales (which is fashion challenged in its practical way)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And happy spring to you, dear Cecily! I'm positive you are teaching your Brits many wonderful things, not the least of which is good fashion sense. I would avoid all of these looks in your tutorials. xo

      Delete
  8. Seems to me that a few judiciously placed Pink Bows and suddenly the Practical Neckline and the Breast Mesh become wearable in public.

    Perhaps to the Circus.......

    ReplyDelete