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I write novels, eat dark chocolate, raise three children, love my husband, scrub toilets, ignore the laundry, and love a good story, but hardly ever in that order.



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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Act My Age

Can someone please clarify for me when I became a ma’am?

I am now fully a ma’am. As in, “Ma’am, is this your child we found running naked through the lobby?” Or “Ma’am, none of these clothes have been in fashion for the last decade. We cannot accept anything you own (or are presently wearing) at our consignment shop.”

I feel like there was a limbo period for this. Wasn’t there a time when I wasn’t a college student any more but I also wasn’t a ma’am? Maybe “miss?” Or “hottie?” Wait, no. That never happened. But I’m pretty sure there was a historical era in which I was young but not too young, smart but not wizened, muscular but not veiny.

Is anyone hearing me on this?

Today a fifteen-year-old girl flagged me down at the Dairy Barn as I was leaving. “Ma’am,” she called, and the scary part is I KNEW SHE WAS TALKING TO ME. I turned. “Ma’am, you might want all these slushies you just paid for.” Then she snorted when she laughed and I laughed too, without the snort. Silly ma’am! Paying for things and then leaving the Barn without taking them with her!

And so it begins. One day a ma’am, the next I’ll be asking the consignment shop to reconsider taking on my orthopedic shoes to sell. But they’re so comfortable…


  1. I love this. I, too, have been humiliated in a consignment shop. :)

  2. Girl, come on down to the South. You're a ma'am at birth. Never makes you feel old.

  3. The impressive heel and iridescent sheen of those orthopedic shoes makes them HOT, just so you know. Wear those and Mark will be chasing you all over the house.

  4. When I taught in England and Texas I was ma'am and that was my early 20's. After subbing in the Des Moines area schools, I'd take being called ma'am any day vs. what they normally come up with!

  5. Honey, when did you get in my closet and take a picture of my shoes?!!

  6. So THAT'S why I can't ever find a good used pair of those pants. The shops don't even take them? I can't imagine what they're thinking.

  7. You make me smile. You are one HOT ma'ma. :)