New York, New York 2016

Marc and I went to New York a couple of weeks ago. 

I have security clearance to talk about this now because we are no longer out of town and you can't come rob our house. When you live with a conspiracy theorist, you have rules.

But he's a very cute conspiracy theorist, so I play along.

Here are the highlights. And you don't even have to come over for dinner and watch the slideshow! 

1. I met my publisher. New York is the home of my new publisher, Skyhorse, so I was able to meet my team! I prepared for the meeting by working on blending in to New York culture. I'm pretty sure I nailed it.

I told the Skyhorse folks they would know me by my fanny pack. Because I'm from Iowa. I'm pretty sure they knew I was joking. (P.S. If you read this post, you will be relieved to know I did not take along my magenta portable urinal. I have my standards, people, and they are high.)

Here's the team! Two Nicoles and one Bri, all of them delightful. I am old enough to be any of their mothers. They were polite enough to pretend not to notice and to carry my walker to the coffee shop.

For those of you wondering what the inside of a publishing house looks like, here you go. Two smiling editorial types and not one ounce of stress. I'm sure this was completely typical.

2. I renewed my hatred for Times Square. For those of you thinking about walking through this part of New York, do not. You'll need to shower afterward. And join an monastery to clear your mind. The Naked Cowboy is always a bit jarring. I worry about him during New England cold snaps.

Also, word on the street is that Elmo tries to cop feels when taking photos. I kept my distance, though Marc was readying his ninja moves just in case.

 But then he got distracted from protecting my honor and found great pants instead.

 3. We went to some great shows. Here's how we felt when we got rush tickets for The Color Purple. 

Jennifer Hudson was delightful in her last week with the show, but can I tell you about Cynthia Erivo? 

Photo by Norman Jean Roy

I don't have enough ethereal adjectives to describe this woman. She is up for the Tony for best actress and she should win or there is no justice in the world. I want you to know Marc and I had to sit in the theater for about ten minutes AFTER the show to compose ourselves, we were so moved by her performance. I have never seen anything like it in all my days. 

We also heard some ridiculously good jazz in Brooklyn. We love this guy, John Pizzarelli, and we are pretty much groupies. We also enjoyed meeting a Brooklynite named Babs (not joking) who wanted to tell us lots of things, and of course we listened and loved it and appreciated her pronouncement at the end that we were "a lovely couple." Hand swish, toss of the wig, and she was gone. 

4. We got some tips about real estate hunting in NYC. "Outdoor space" is a little different there. 

5. We ate very, very well. Here, here, here, but let's talk about The Food Sermon in Brooklyn. Um, I could crave this food every day of my life. The owner/chef, Rawlston Williams, is a theology-school drop-out, and I could write a bit about how his coconut-ginger sauce did something to my soul, but you probably won't believe me.

At one point, the gentlemen who had talked us through what to order saw me swooning on my stool by the window. And they nodded, like they see The Swoon every day and not to worry about it. Comes with the Sermon.

Such a great trip. I do love that city. And I also love coming home. Because WE ARE HOME NOW. No need to try robbing us, okay? Marc is back and ninja-ish, so just be warned. And he's wearing his new NYC palazzo pants, so if you weren't deterred before, consider that visual.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Visit to Centro (Field Trip!)

Most of my life is raising a family with Marc. And by that I mean most of my life is making messes and then cleaning up the messes, both literal and figurative.

And then sometimes I write novels, usually while wearing a bathrobe and a furrowed brow, which is only adding to The Wrinkle Issue. When I'm writing these novels in my robe and with my wrinkles, there is no glamour within a ten-mile radius. I do not sit by a roaring fire, I do not swirl a glass of sherry, and I do not wearing an ascot, though if I could find an ascot at Anthropologie, I'd probably want it because I am seem to have problems remembering to have any sort of self-control at that store.

So usually I'm alone and wrinkly when I work. But sometimes, once in the bluest of moons, I get to go on a field trip. This week I had the great pleasure of following around the intrepid restauranteur and chef, George Formaro, owner of so many of my favorite spots in Des Moines. 

Chef George is the owner of Django (insane duck-fat fries), Gateway Market (um, French toast?!), Malo (tacos al pastor and chipotle shrimp tacos with house-made corn tortillas), Zombie Burger (wicked good burgers and the buns!), South Union Bread Cafe (all yum for lunch), and Centro (can't pick a favorite. Honestly.). 

The protagonist of my new novel is a chef, so I asked George if I might tag along and watch what he does. Because he's super bored and doesn't have enough to do (see previous paragraph), he said yes! So I watched, I learned, I peppered him with questions, and I got a parking ticket because I forgot about real life. I was in the Centro vortex and it was FASCINATING.

George is affable, a crazy hard worker, and he loves good food. He also thinks of his staff as family, which is pretty much bizarro in the restaurant business. Gordon Ramsay he is not.

He also doesn't like to say no. For example, while I was there, a customer requested buffalo sauce. Centro doesn't have buffalo sauce on its menu. No worries. George to the rescue. Just made the sauce, off the cuff, right in the middle of the noon rush. I'm slightly less accommodating of special orders in my own kitchen.

 I wanted to eat everything but I was super professional and asked questions instead, questions like, "Can you walk by the end of a sixteen hour day?" (Answer: "No. I am a cripple.") And "Does it offend you when people send a dish back to the kitchen?" (Answer: "No. It's not about me; it's about the customer. If a person leaves my restaurant unhappy, it pains me." Note: This is exactly how I feel about my children complaining about my cooking. Exactly.) And "What's a crazy special order you've received?" Answer: "A French guy ordering at Django asked for pasta with butter, ketchup and Parmesan cheese." George made that dish for that weirdo, and he even said it was surprisingly not horrible. Because I am a professional, I maintained a pleasant expression on my face instead of saying unprofessional things about a doofus who goes to a French restaurant and orders ketchup noodles. 

 Ketchup nonwithstanding, George, his front-of-house manager Taylor, and the very delightful team at Centro were fantastic. They didn't even gripe that I was standing in front of the water station for two hours during their lunch service. They seem to really enjoy their work. And even with a parking ticket as a souvenir, they made it great fun to do mine. 

Inside Scoop: Operation Bonnet

Oh, Nellie. Operation Bonnet is Nellie’s story, and it’s a doozy. Nellie, an academic smarty pants with rough social skills, desperately wants to become a private investigator. Her small town in Ohio, however, is too sleepy for any case worth its salt. So when her first break comes from an ex-Amish guy who needs some help in the love department, she puts on her bonnet and infiltrates an Old Order Amish community.

Here’s the inside scoop on Op Bonnet and how it came to be:

*My agent, Chip MacGregor, and I were chatting on the phone after the release of Stretch Marks. We were kvetching about how Amish fiction had taken over the market.

   “I’m not Beverly Lewis!” I moaned. “I’m closer to Lucille Ball!”  

   “Well, then,” the Sage replied, “start writing, Lucy.” 

And Operation Bonnet was born. As promised on the back cover, it’s not your grandmother’s Amish fiction. But Ethel might have liked it.

*By the time I finished researching for this novel, I never wanted to think about the Amish, rumspringa, the differences between Old Order and Mennonite, and the doctrinal beliefs of Menno Simons ever again. No offense to Menno. But before I came to the saturation point, I read some fantastic books. Two of my faves were Plain Secrets by Joe Mackall and Crossing Over by Ruth Irene Garrett. I also appreciated the thoughtful connections Erik Wesner makes on his blog, Amish America.

*At one point in the editing process, my publisher called me to say I could not use the words “boink” or “shag.” Which only made me want to say “boinkshagboinkshagboinkshag” for the rest of the conversation.

*Operation Bonnet was, thanks be to God, picked up by Wal-Mart. God bless Sam Walton and God bless people who love bonnets.

*True story: Samuel L. Jackson’s television production company called my publisher shortly after Operation Bonnet released and asked if the TV rights were available. They were considering the novel as the premise for a new series. Yes, yes, the rights were available! my publisher said. And we’ll throw in a free audio file of Kim saying, “boinkshag” on a loop for free!

Sam never called back. But Marc did ask me to start using his middle initial every time I referred to him. Marc S. Stuart is a smart aleck.

MONSTER SALE IS COMING TO AN END! CLICK HERE to buy any Kimberly Stuart book for only FIVE DOLLARS! Flat-rate shipping of $2.99, so the more you buy, the more you save. I sound like a Menard’s ad! CLICK HERE and make your wildest dreams come true!

BREAKING NEWS!!

I am thrilled to announce my sixth novel has been purchased by Skyhorse Publishing in New York! Wahoo! I'm getting all giggly just thinking of it! Slated for a Valentine's Day 2017 release, it's a romance, dear reader. A clever, smart romance that is a happy mix between the Food Network and Sleepless in Seattle. I think you'll like it. :)

AND here is a sneak peak at the brand new covers of my other five novels, soon to be re-released in print and ebook forms. I love them. What do you think?

Inside Scoop: Stretch Marks

The title of this book has made many a man squirm in my presence over the years. I’m not sure why. I think of stretch marks as completely benign, a part of life. Like freckles. Or hangnails. Or a dilated cervix. OK, maybe not the cervix.

Stretch Marks is a modern love story about a girl who finds herself pregnant, alone, and trying not go batty when her mom comes to “rescue” her. Here’s a bit of behind-the-scenes dirt on  the story of Mia, Babs, Lars, Silas, and my favorite sweetheart of a grocer, Adam.

*Stretch Marks is set in Chicago, a city I have long loved. I lived there for awhile, first during my freshman year of college and then again for a summer teaching in a bilingual school on the South Side. I still love Chicago and often harbor a hankering to visit. This even after my friend Maria and I were front-flashed by a man on the El, during a spot in the route THAT NEVER ENDED. I guess I’m still a little scarred by that, come to think of it. Perhaps I wrote Adam as a sweet and kind grocer to redeem having to view a man’s groceries in Chicago. That’s gross. Sorry. Forget I said anything. Focus on the skyline.

*I want to clear up any misconceptions about the Mother Issue. I don’t have a Mother Issue. Really. I have a great mom. The greatest, if you’re keeping score. Babs, the mom in Stretch Marks, has her strengths, but she is not the greatest mom. I was able to write her up with total freedom because I recognized nothing of my own mom in her. Well, I guess Patti does like cruise ships. And she does pray, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” at the end of a yoga class instead of saying, “Namaste.” And she's a Republican. But that’s where the similarities end. I promise.

*To get the word out about Stretch Marks, we sent copies of the book to willing readers and asked them to post photos of the book in places literally all over the world. It was a hoot to see what people came up with. I still giggle to remember my friend Stacia forcing the book on a Christian rock band. And I was tickled to have a small army of readers storming the castle with copies of my book. Such great people you are. Thanks again.

*There’s a scene in Stretch Marks where Mia visits a friend in the hospital. And I’m telling you what, I sat on my deck this summer, reading that scene, and crying all over the pages. What the heck is wrong with me?! What kind of self-congratulatory thing to do, moved to tears by your own writing?! But listen, people. I cannot remember ANYTHING in my life. So it was really like reading a new novel by some chippy named Kim Stuart, whomever she may be. Maybe I should find some other books she’s written!

So if you’re in the market again or for the first time, now is your moment. Go HERE to buy Kimberly Stuart books for the lowest price imaginable. Five dollars per book, flat-rate shipping. The more you buy, the smarter you are.

Tomorrow: Inside scoop on Operation Bonnet AND an exciting announcement. 

Inside Scoop: Act Two

Act Two is the story of a diva. I’ve known some divas in my day. I hope to Jesus that I never was one, but I did go through junior high, so odds aren’t in my favor. During my first couple years of college, I majored in music, and let me assure you, music divas are their own breed. Vocal music majors, along with trumpet players, rise to the top. I was a soprano, so that’s an issue. And I was surrounded by other musicians. We’re talking people who wore scarves in the mid nineties, which is a full fifteen years before anyone else was wearing them. Not to be fashion-forward, mind you, but to protect their vocal chords from the elements, like air and cold temperatures and people. You know the sleeves pro ballers wear, to keep their arms warm during the game? Hogwash, right? Well, we vocalists know all about hogwash. 

So here’s the inside scoop on Act Two, the story of Sadie the opera queen who gets stuck on a pig farm in Iowa and Mac, the man who knows how to handle a diva.

*I’ve received many, many emails over the years asking if Mac has a brother. Or if Mac himself is available. Apparently Mac is a heartthrob! And I love it because I think he’s dreamy too. To that end, there are lots of dreamy Midwestern farm boys out there, ones who treat girls like ladies and work hard and still go to church on Sundays. There are also some that are total doofs, but I’d say the dreamboats outnumber the doofs. So inspiration for Mac came easy living where I live and if you’re still in the market, you might consider heading this way. We run a lovely state fair each August.

*During the writing of this book, I went to New York with my mom and sister to do some recon. I wandered neighborhoods in the Upper West Side, taking photos of the spot where Sadie would like to live. We spent time in Central Park, went to Wicked for the first time, ate in a raw vegan restaurant that had fantastic food which Mac and Cal would have hated. And we saw lots of Jaynes in Time Square, bedecked with fanny packs and open mouths. Linds, Mom and I tried to look less Jayne-ish, which surely was a fail. But good gracious, did we have fun.

*Moravia College is loosely based on my alma mater, St. Olaf College in Northfield, Minnesota. None of the characters holds a direct comparison, however, since everyone at Olaf is brilliant, kind, unselfish while wearing a fetching Norwegian sweater.

*The new edition of Act Two has a fantastic cover. I love it. But I will also miss the pig rump. It’s a great pig rump.

Get the pig rump while the pig rump is to be gotten. CLICK HERE TO BUY Act Two and any other Kim Stuart title for ONLY FIVE DOLLARS.

Tomorrow: Inside scoop on Stretch Marks.

Inside Scoop: Bottom Line

Let’s be honest: when you write a novel about a Christian lingerie pyramid scheme, you should expect some pushback. After all, those poor publishers! They’d just found out Christians had sex, and now this! Cute clothes to wear and that even ENCOURAGE the having of the sex!

Do you see why it’s always been touch-and-go between me and the pubs?

Bottom Line is the second in the Heidi Elliott series, and it follows Heidi as she dips her toe into the waters of direct sales. Here’s a bit of inside scoop on the story and the writing of BL:

*I wrote this entire novel on an ancient laptop while sitting in an armchair on the second floor of the West Des Moines Public Library. My spot overlooked the pond next to the library and I learned more during those six or seven months than I care to about the daily habits of Canadian geese. There is no plaque on the armchair that commemorates this process, but I’m thinking about getting one and hot-glue-gunning it to one of the legs when a librarian isn’t looking. (GOOD LUCK TO ME. Those librarians are hawks.)

*The idea for a pyramid scheme involving Christian lingerie came out of a particularly raucous phone conversation between me and my best friend, Betsy. I remember  sitting outside a restaurant, late for a lunch date but unwilling to stop talking to Bets. I’m pretty sure she was the one who said it first as she is ever the smarter and wittier of the two of us, and when we couldn’t stop snort-laughing, I knew we were onto something.

*My husband, Marc, is Jake Elliott. I mean, there are differences, but let’s just say Marc also obsesses over great travel deals that are utterly impossible. “Forty-five dollars on a puddle jumper to Bahrain, leaves tonight, no luggage allowed. Let’s DO this!” Ahem. You’ll find me watching the geese in my plaqued-up library chair.

*Marc is the one who makes a killer chocolate lava cake in this house. The recipe in the book is his. And yes, I am the winner in this scenario.

*I don’t journal because I’m selfish and pretty tired, but I DO write books. So this book is kind of like a journal of my eldest daughter’s preschool years. When I read the scenes of Nora and her princess obsession and her time-outs and the way she forces Heidi to speak in a Russian accent and answer to the name Olga…well, let’s just say the truth is not any stranger than the fiction in this case.

Click on over here to buy Bottom Line. Heck, while you’re at it, buy all five Kim Stuart books! They are on wicked sale, and time’s running out for a first edition!

Tomorrow: Inside Scoop on Act Two.

Inside Scoop: Balancing Act

Hi, all. And by “all,” I mean Mom. Thanks for sticking with me, Mom. And for the lovely scented candle for Christmas. You’re the best.

I’ve been away, doing all sorts of things, like laundry, and never-ending dishwashing, and parenting, and spousing, and writing a novel that I buried under a tree in the backyard, and then writing another novel which is still above ground, and getting a puppy, and craving a nap. We can get to all that later, Mom, because now is the best time to buy a Kimberly Stuart book, and in celebration of frightfully low prices (FIVE DOLLARS EACH!), I’m giving a peek behind the curtain for each of my five novels. Today’s scoop: Balancing Act.

Remember Balancing Act? My very first novel and the first in the Heidi Elliott series? Total therapy to write. I wrote that book as if my friends were all in the room, laughing with me and telling stories about motherhood and marriage and friendship. You probably know most of these, Mom, since we talk every day, but you and I both know our collective memory bank is coming up short of a zero balance these days, even without a shared history of marijuana smoking. So I’ll just throw these out there and you can pretend to remember when I know you don’t:

*Balancing Act came about after I met a fantastic editor, Andrea Christian. Andrea hated my non-fiction stuff but was interested in the first few pages of Tightrope, the initial title of BA. I finished it while pregnant with Mitch, who is now ten years old. I still associate BA with a belly that slowly grew over the keyboard of my laptop. When it passed QWERTY, it was time to go to the hospital.

*There were those in the Christian publishing world that got VERY nervous that Heidi and her husband, Jake, ALMOST HAVE SEX on page 45. It fell to me to explain that Christians have sex.  The shock is still reverberating.

*The character of Willow is a combination of two characters I wrote into the first edition and which got axed by my editor. I did curse my editor and all of his descendants during that rewrite but have totally reneged on the curse since then. (Hi, Jeff! Hope all is well!)

*My aunt Jana is every bit as gorgeous and smitten-worthy as the character named after her, only she’s not an adulteress. (Hi, Auntie! Clearing the record, a decade late!)

*I loved every bit of mail I got after Balancing Act released, and I still love it when readers ask for another Heidi book. I will someday. I promise. But my favorite email came from a former student who said reading Jake and Heidi’s story reminded her of how important it was to nurture and care for her young marriage. She said my tiny, insignificant novel had helped save her marriage. Remember that, Mom? I’m crying now to think of it. And I was just trying to make people laugh and forget about the trials of lactating! What a gift, this writing gig.

Thanks for circling back here, Mom. And all you dear people who make story-telling so much fun. 2016 holds lots of promise. I’m glad you’re here.

Tomorrow: Inside scoop on Bottom Line, the second book in the Heidi Elliott series.

Have a new mom in your life? Balancing Act is the perfect gift, even better than cloth diapers! BUY HERE, BUY NOW. First edition sale lasts until midnight on Sunday, January 17, 2016.

Summer Book List

And so it begins! Summer va-cay, people! Lemonade, sunshine, sunburns, aloe treatments, sibling bickering, heatstroke...whoops. Sorry. Nobody likes a realist.

So let's pretend instead, shall we? Let's pretend that you are actually going to have hours and hours to devote to your favorite hobbies. Basket weaving, macrame, gnome whittling.

Photo credits

And, for those of you who are blessed by God to know better, reading. 

I have now watched my blinking cursor for three full minutes in an effort to find a hobby more glorious than reading, but I'm coming up empty. Eating one's way across Italy comes very close, but today I feel reading gets the spotlight.

I have a few humble suggestions for you in terms of reading love this summer. But before we start talking turkey, let's lay some groundwork. You will not find here any recommendations for business books. Or science. Or math. Or quantum physics. Or (shudder) financial planning. I'm sure there are lots of good people making lists of such groaners titles somewhere. In fact, I live with one of them.

He's cute, but he reads super boring books.

Here are my recommendations, to be taken with a glass of wine and the knowledge that even though I write Christian fiction and love Jesus, I do read and enjoy books with imperfect protagonists who cuss and act immorally and commit crimes and complain and don't wear pantyhose to church. You've been warned. 

Click on any of the covers below to go shopping.

1. Historical fiction: The Kitchen House, by Kathleen Grissom

I loved this book so much, I thought about it all day before I could shove the kids in bed with nary a kiss and get back to reading until the wee hours. Set in the 1700s on a Southern plantation, this book is a sweeping story of family and all the beauty and tragedy that goes along with being mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers,. That's all you're getting. Remember, I don't even read the backs of books. Just buy The Kitchen House and start reading.

2. Contemporary fiction: Return to Me, by Marisa de los Santos

Oh, Marisa de los Santos. How I adore your storytelling. Will you please write my next book and we'll pretend I did and put my name on it but I'll send you the check and we'll just hope no one goes to prison? Great! Let's meet for lunch to hammer out details and so I can quote your writing to you and make you feel awkward but really loved. Return to Me is the sequel to one of my all-time favorites, Love Walked In. Humor, grace, beautiful storytelling, characters you want to live next door to...That's all. Buy it. And I dare you not to develop a crush on Theo. And Claire. And Cornelia. And...

3. Mystery: The Inspector Gamache series, Louise Penney

I don't typically read mysteries, but I do enjoy me some Ms. Louise. Inspector Gamache reminds me of Poirot from Masterpiece Mystery. All great mysteries should involve a quirky Frenchman with impeccable manners. Mustache optional.

 

4. General awesomeness: Love Does, by Bob Goff

I'm breaking the cardinal rule of book recs by recommending one I haven't yet finished. But I was upstairs crying while I read this right before I sat down to write to you, and I can't keep this book to myself. Laughing, crying, more laughing, all in the first three chapters. Please remember me weeping when Ryan comes bounding up the walk like a yellow lab, and all he wants is to woo his sweetheart, and you realize God loves you like crazy. Trust me. It will all make sense. Buy it.

5. Parenting: Cleaning House, by Kay Wills Wyma

For those of you non-fiction readers who weren't completely offended by my dismissal of Marc's reading preferences, thank you for hanging on. You just might like this dandy by Kay Wills Wyma. I loved it. The author takes a year to work on specific areas in which her kids are driving her nuts and re-teaching them the world and its many people do not exist to serve them. Think laundry, cooking, throwing a party, lawn work, cleaning house...If your children already participate fully in the running of your home and are interning at the Pentagon this summer, you can skip this book. Otherwise, I would recommend reading it and then watching your children crumple blossom into the people you hope they become.

That's my short list. What books are your book shelf? Any recommendations to share?

Being Real With My Bad Self

Listen, I tried to be Wonder Blogger Girl. I really did. For awhile there, I was posting three (THREE!) times a week, which easily shattered any previous record ever set here. And I enjoyed it because I like you people and I like hearing from you.

Turns out, however, thrice weekly was too much. I'm sure you were tired of my musings and I was running out of time to, say, read books or keep current on international affairs. Also, I MUST clean the upstairs bathrooms. This whole balance between living and working continues to be a work in progress. Can I get an amen? Anyone else out there struggling with raising a family, cultivating a marriage, working every now and then, and remembering to play?

I'm still going to hang out here once a week and I sure as heck hope you'll join me. Shall we plan on Thursdays? Thursdays sound good. It's a date, then. I might even wear lip gloss, I'm so motivated.

So thrice-weekly blogging will need to go the way of the dinosaurs, Lee Press-On Nails, and low-rise jeans. I don't actually know if low-rise jeans are out for the general populace, but they certainly are for me. Things have happened in my low-rise region that produced three lovely children and an extra accessory for my midriff.

Leann Morgan says it best. I love this clip.

Tuck in those purses and see you next week. I'll be the one with the armpit jeans. 

How To Be A Writer

When I first got into this writing gig, I thought I would camp out in a cozy attic room with a gabled  ceiling, a roaring fire, and classical music playing in the background. This was the first of many, ahem, misunderstandings about the publishing world. Sometime I'll tell you the story about when a certain VIP in publishing asked me not to use the word "boobies" in my book. 

It's been a long road.

Here is the real story of how it works, in semi-animation. God bless author Nathan Bransford who put this together.

Click here for the true and delightful story.